This morning I was reading a book written by Fr. Anthony de Mello, namely Awareness. Thinking with the author I did feel that most often we do lot of renunciations to improve up on our life, be it spiritual, physical or psychological. Or we may be working up a bad habit of ours, but sadly nothing changes for good and often become worse. We get into depression and guilt feeling.
The author says anytime you are practicing renunciation you are deluded. When you renounce something, you are stuck to it forever. When you fight something, you are tied to it forever. As long as you fight it, you are giving power to it. The power you use to fight is the power given to it.
Then what is the way out, the only way to work on ourselves is to grow into a stage of understanding. If we understand then we will drop the desire for what is not good. Until we understand, however we try we hold on to it with knowledge or without.
I feel this answer to many of the struggles that I have when I am working on myself. I am strong only when am ready to be challenged and weakened.